


Cheap Taste

by AbnormalSomething



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Erwin's POV, F/M, Friendship, Hope, Multi, POV First Person, levihan mentions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-27
Updated: 2015-03-27
Packaged: 2018-03-19 20:15:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3622830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AbnormalSomething/pseuds/AbnormalSomething
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This was once a bar that was special to him, but with her gone and moved on with her life, to Erwin, the place doesn't have the same spark, and even after all this time, he's trying to be okay with that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cheap Taste

  
  
    I was sitting at a bar, a place that long ago held special meaning to me… A place that I was eager to see in the past. This place didn't have much meaning to me anymore… No matter how long I looked around this bar, the smile that sent waves of warmth through me wasn't anywhere to be seen, her personality wasn't here to light up the room, and for me the place felt empty.  
  
    No… That was a selfish thought, this place was still full of life, it just wasn't life that I could be a part of as more than an outside observer, besides it wasn't as if I was alone here, I'd come with some of the other Recon Squad captains as well… Though now that I thought about it, I probably shouldn't have brought Hange and Levi with me, it wasn't doing much to help this strange lonely nostalgia that was weighing on me.  
  
    The two of them sat at a small table in the back of the bar, somewhere a bit further off from me. I could hear Hange laughing, but it was a laugh quite different from the usual one, this laugh was a soft gentle one. Now that I looked over to the corner they were tucked into, I caught a glimpse of a gentle smile playing on Hange's lips, and Levi sat across from Hange, leaning in from across the table looking bored as usual, but underneath the table I could see their legs were intertwined at the ankles as they spoke, and it was obvious to me that the two were trying hard and failing to hide their relationship. Even in the dim lighting I could see their faces flushed pink despite the fact that Hange hated drinking, didn't want to risk harming a genius brain apparently and Levi simply didn't get drunk… I turned away from them and drained my own glass with a sad grin. Guess I was the only one who's face would be red from the alcohol tonight.  
  
    Gazing into my empty mug I almost sighed… I wasn't sure why I'd brought them to this bar, I must have stupidly thought to come here looking for something that I knew wouldn't be here and something I couldn't have even if it _was_ here. Really…. For the leader of an army I was a truly pathetic man wasn't I? It seemed like no matter where I looked around this bar I could picture her there cleaning glasses, rearranging chairs, roughly cursing out any customer who dared to curse at her, humming under her breath in those few choice moments when I'd stay late right up until closing time talking with her... just the two of us… Those moments were magic to me, but now the magic was done and here I was still hoping to claim some of it back like a fool when she already moved on in her life and had a family of her own.  
      
    Hange laughed again in the background and I slipped out of my own thoughts. Just because I was alone didn't mean the others deserved to be. Yes, it might have _officially_ been against the rules for captains to be together, but how could I tell Levi not to pursue Hange after the horrible things I'd done to get him to even join the recon Corps? Because of me, his friends, the people he regarded as family, were gone… If he found comfort in Hange, I couldn't possibly take that from him and Hange seemed quite fond of him as well. Besides, they didn't have the same responsibilities as I did, they could afford to spend time with one another, they both were soldiers they understood the risks… Yes, I should give them their time alone, I already felt as if I'd drunk too much anyway.  
  
    "I'm going." I announced to them suddenly as I stood from the barstool and put on my jacket. Hange was the first one up, looking flustered, while Levi lazily turned to me.  
  
    "Oh! We're leaving?" Hange was asking, brown eyes flickering from Levi to me almost frantically and I smirked.  
  
    "No, no, you two stay, I must be getting old since drinking this little bit makes me tired." I laughed, watching as Hange relaxed a bit.  
  
    "You just noticed?" Levi snorted, but dropped the joke once Hange nudged him.  
  
    "Okay, we'll just stay a little longer." Hange was calling after me as I headed for the door.  
  
    "Just be at tomorrow's meeting." I replied over my shoulder as I exited, feeling generous enough to allow them a night in the town if they so pleased.  


* * *

  
  
    If they replied to my statement I hadn't heard it though, I was already outside looking for a carriage to take me back to the base… It must have been later than I'd thought since there were none on this side street, in fact, the streets were all but empty except for one hooded figure roaming the streets looking around frantically.  
  
    "Nile! Nile!" The voice was calling out… a voice I recognized and I went sober right away.  
  
    "Marie?" My voice was hardly a whisper as I spoke first, but as I walked towards the figure, I found my voice again, "Marie!" I called out approaching her, and for a moment I was worried about what might happen if I was wrong and was _the_ _Commander_ of the Recon Corps just going around in the night drunk and calling out to women in the streets… Public opinion wasn't too high of us already, but as this person turned around and faced me with those life giving eyes, I knew I was right in my assumption.  
  
    "Brows?" She called me by my old nickname that it seemed I could only tolerate her calling me, before smiling, her own brows pushed together in concern, "What are you doing here?" She was asking me as she walked closer and for a moment my mouth went dry, I was a young soldier all over again, I wasn't a commander who made speeches that inspired people to go and look death in the eye, I was just Erwin Smith; a nervous man staring dumbly at his first love.  
      
    "W-well I came here with some colleagues." I managed after a long awkward moment of her staring at me and waiting for a reply.  
  
    "You still come to that old hole in the wall? Wow, guess you still have cheap tastes." She teased, but it was halfhearted, her eyes were searching behind me.  
  
    "Is something wrong?" I asked on instinct and she looked torn for a moment before answering.  
  
    "No, no… It's just…" She bit her lip anxiously a moment and I tried not to stare, "You used to be friends with Nile right? When he got angry were there any placed he would go that I wouldn't know about?" She asked looking desperately up at me.  
  
    "Has something happened to him?" I asked urgently. Though Nile and I might not have remained friends all of these years, out of my own loyalty I would help him in anyway I could if something had happened to him.  
  
    "Well, no…" Marie paused… Sighed… Continued, "I-uh, we've been arguing a lot lately, you know, like married couples do." She shrugged and I decided not to interject that I had no idea what married couples did and listened instead, "Well anyway, he's been out all night for the past week, I've hardly seen him… He says it's work, but I don't believe it…" she scowled as if she remembered her reason for not believing him, "I could just punch him in his stupid face." She growled through clenched teeth, but she looked like she wanted to cry all the same.  
  
    "Perhaps he's worried what might happen to you with all of the unrest in the walls right now." I offered, doing all I could not hold her and comfort her, doing all I could not to wipe away her tears that were threatening to spill over her lashes, it would be wrong to do either of those while speaking to an old colleague's wife, "Staying away from home might be his way of protecting you. I doubt he could have foreseen the way things are turning out now. None of us could have. It's very likely that he gets threats now that the people are so upset with the military and the king now, I'm sure he's only thinking of your safety."  
  
    "How is keeping me in the dark safe!?" She demanded with an angry laugh, looking around as if she wanted to hit something, before looking to me with searching eyes as if I had the answer she might want, but I didn't. I didn't have the answer she'd want, all I had was the truth.  
  
    "I can understand him." I closed my eyes and nodded firmly, but I still heard her scoff and opened my eyes to be greeted to her frustrated glare.  
  
    "Why are all of you men the same? You're saying you can understand him? He's going out all night, drinking, probably going to the brothels and you can understand that? That's more than just keeping me in the dark you know! If he was worried about us so much why wouldn't he just tell me to leave?"  
      
    "Would you have left him if he'd asked you to?" her anger wavered for a moment at my question, but she didn't answer… We both knew the answer even if she didn't say it out loud, "He knows that you're a strong person, he knows you wouldn't leave him if he asked you to, so he wants you to want to leave on your own accord because then you'll be safe. Wanting to keep someone safe, that's the part I understand, that's the reason I never told you in the past that I lov-" Damn.. The alcohol seemed to make my lips too loose, I'd said something I hadn't meant to say and now she was staring at me in what looked like vague wonder.  
  
    "Never told me what?" She breathed in shock.  
  
    "Forget it. You should go, I'm sure your children are-" I tried to look away from her to look anywhere else, but she wouldn't have it.  
  
    " _Never told me what?_ " she moved to stand right in my field of vision. And I might have laughed at how pushy she'd remained after all of this time, but I couldn't… My heart was too caught in my throat to laugh.  
  
    "Marie, don't make me say it now." my voice didn't sound like my own… It was too soft, to low, too sad.  
  
    "No way in hell." she recoiled, flustered, eyelashes batting furiously as she tried to regain her composure, "Why didn't you say anything before?"  
  
    "It doesn't matter now. What-ifs don't matter now, you're married to Nile and once things calm down in the walls, I'm sure he'll feel it's safe to come home. Things between the two of you will be okay, if you're willing to be patient." I sighed, my heart clenched.  
  
    "It sounds like you know a lot about loss, Brows." she murmured, looking up at me with warm and gentle eyes that made my drunk mind swim, "Doesn't sound like you know a lot about love." her voice trailed off, she took a step towards me and I took a step back.  
  
    "I have to get back to base." I blurted and she snorted a laugh.  
  
    "You're shy as ever, Brows, don't get ahead of yourself, I'm only giving an old friend a hug." She assured me, closing the gap between us and wrapping her arms tight around my neck. The smell of home cooked meals and soap drifted from her, she smelled like a home and the overwhelming urge to hold her to me and never let go came over me and with the arm I had left, I wrapped it tight around her upper back, angrier now than I had been when I lost that damn arm that it was gone.  
  
    "Hang in there, Brows, the war will be over one day, you hear me? And you and Nile's emotionally avoiding sorry asses better work hard to make it one day soon before you lose your other arm out there because when all this is done, I'm going to make a huuuuuuuge banquet. I'll roast a whole boar and five turkeys, I'll make more sides than will be able to fit on one table, so we'll need three, and when you show up, I want you to bring all of your friends, you hear me? Every single one of them, and you better bring a wife too, or bring a husband if that's what makes you happy, because you're a catch you know that? You're a damn proper gentleman and a damn good guy and you deserve someone to stand by your side no matter what, you deserve to be happy." her words might have been muffled in my shoulder, but I heard them all, and every one pulled my heartstring. I tried to ignore the way my eyes stung… Crying in the streets wouldn't fit the title of Commander of the Recon Corps, but I almost didn't care. Almost.  
  
    Marie pulled away with a gentle smile and my arms were empty again, though it didn't seem like they felt so tragically empty before hugging Marie…  
  
    "I'll be going now then." she spoke softly and I could only nod, my throat burned too badly from the threat of crying, and if I spoke I was sure my voice would break, "Thanks for what you said before, I'll be patient and work things out with Nile, so you take care of yourself and get through this so that you can be sure to bring your ass to the banquet!" She called, heading off down the road looking happier than when I first ran into her. Her voice echoed through the empty night streets as she spoke, and she looked unconcerned with whose sleep she might be disturbing, it made me laugh to myself how little she'd changed, but again I only nodded and waved before turning to go in the opposite direction of her, but she called out before I got far.  
  
    "Hey, I was right with what I said before though, Brows." I could see her lopsided smile despite the considerable distance between us, "A gentleman like you liked a loud bartender like me… Makes sense I guess, you always bought the came to that hole in the wall and drank beer, even when you could have had wine at fancy restaurants. You really do have some cheap taste huh?" She laughed and I smiled, her long thick hair danced around her dimpled smiling face while her eyes twinkled with more stars than the ones above her and I finally pulled myself together enough to answer her.  
  
    "I've never had cheap taste, the company was better at the bar." I called back with a smile and she laughed before turning and walking off. I watched her go until she disappeared from sight and only then did I murmur to myself, "She thought she was just a loud bartender… What's Nile doing where she doesn't know that she has more personality and charm than all of the fancy society women put together?" I sighed.  
  
    I doubted I'd run into Marie again as I headed to the main road to hail a carriage… I supposed I'd just have to live long enough to make it to her banquet and celebrate the day humanity was free…. I'd bring Levi and Hange to that, it wouldn't be too lonely this time, since apparently I couldn't go until I had someone to walk through life with of my own. That was a challenge I would look forward to accepting.  
   

**Author's Note:**

> Whoo, two posts from me in one day, running from reality? Me? No way!
> 
> I just wanted to write something sweet and hopeful for Erwin because this guy needs a hug and some closure... And I like the fact that 'Brows' was apparently an old nickname of his and I couldn't figure out how to fit that in the other story I was doing so I wrote this.
> 
> Also Levi and Hange in the background 'cuz I'm a dork drowning in reality and using them as an escape apparently. Hope ya likes


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